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15

Oct

The Thirty Something Baby

The reason why I purposely go out of my way to date older men is because in most cases, their maturity level has had time to peak, and they, for the most part, are all no bullshit. Which I’m all about. 

I started exclusively dating Thirty Something Baby because we immediately had a connection (read: lust). He was mature, unemotional - yet emotional enough for both of us to connect, attractive and had a zen-like quality I found interesting. We were spending weekends together and eventually nearing the point where he was almost a “live in” boyfriend. Our honeymoon phase was flourishing and fantastic. The sex was incredible - primal, even (this is a integral part of this story, trust me). 

Things were fantastic until we really started to get to know each other (lust had obviously taken over). He was 30 years old, no college degree, was contemplating going back to school, emotionally blocked off (due to a traumatic past), and to my dismay, I found he was incredibly insecure. 

What was there to be insecure about? For starters, I found it a little off his profile pictures and Instagram profile was mostly selfies of himself. Vain? Yes. Calling for attention? Yes. Insecure? Yes. He had an above average penis size, and had no problem getting me off. The thing was, the more he saw me succeed in school and in my career, the more deflated his penis got. It wasn’t just that, but he had issues with me being with a black guy in my past, would say racist and derrogatory things and even stopped penetration to point out that “a black cock probably felt better for me” at that moment. WTF? When we would go out, he would immediately feel threatened and get upset with me because I supposedly was “looking” and “making eye contact” with men we’d walk by on the streets. If that wasn’t a clear cut sign of insecurity, I don’t know what is. 

But the important part here, was a turning point. As things started picking up with school and at work, I was noticeably more busy, more concentrated on my professional life rather than my personal life. Not to say I neglected him, but we weren’t all over each other like we used to be. When I would mention school, he would moan and grumble about how he wanted to get his act together and go back to school etc. I would offer to help him look for programs, but he shurgged it off. Also, I would often offer to pay for our dates because I knew he was short on money. He would accept, yet make a big deal about it with the waitresses/bartenders present. 

As this continued, sex became less often. I would try to initate it, and he simply couldn’t get hard anymore. Eventually, we talked about it. He likened his low sex drive due to feeling neglected and stressed with work (I’m sorry but a 9-4:30pm job of manual labor should not stress a person out that much), and taking care of himself. Fine, but I pointed out that his lack of sex drive seemed to correlate with the fact that I was busier with other things. After a month of unfulfilled sex (for him - I must say, he was still good at making sure I came in some way), I decided to break things off with him. I couldn’t be with a man who had no drive career-wise, wasn’t forward thinking (don’t get me started on our fights over womens rights), and who constantly complained about things - yet never took action to correct them. I didn’t say this, of course. I told him this wasn’t a good time for me to be seeing him, which he did not take lightly.

Suddenly, it was all my fault. The accusations flowed. My favorite being, "I want a trophy wife anyways". I don’t have the boobs or the blonde to be a trophy wife, I realize this. But I think he was referring to the fact that I was extremely career minded. Through his anger and frustration towards me that ensued I realized that inevitably, his manhood was threatened by my career path. His lack of motivation and my drive was a turn off. Literally, psyching his ego out and in effect, fucking with his sex drive.

I felt guilty. But then I realized that his lack of a career, money, motivation, etc. was not my fault. He just was simply turned off by a woman who was stronger than him. Which I wouldn’t blame him for, considering I am almost a decade younger than him. So that was that. 

Moral of the story: Just because he’s much older doesn’t mean he’s more put together. Never assume that. 

17

Jan

Real Housewives Fans

If youre a fan of the Real Housewives on BRAVO, email me at youcankissmysass@gmail.com for an opportunity to be on my blog!

04

Oct

…And She’s Back

Hello lovelies.

I sincerely apologize for the lapse of time between posts… 4 months… I’m definitely negligent. Last time we left off, Le French and I fucked each others brains out, left things on a great note, and I left NYC to spend the summer in California.

That being said, it was a DRY summer. I worked all summer at a pool - thus admiring DILFs all day. Also, I went on vacation to St. Tropez, Barcelona, Monte Carlo, and cruised all along the Italian and French Riviera. Naturally it was divine. Sadly, the cruise was full of retired, old people, with the occasional family or two, so that was unexciting on the eyecandy front. It was a nice, relaxing, effortlessly beautiful and perfect summer. In retrospect, it was probably a perfect summer because it didn’t include cock.

Le French, did, however, take it upon himself to show his interest all summer. I would get daily texts and calls from him, checking in, seeing how things were, saying how much he misses bitchinthecity, naturally. We even went insofar as to have a conversation about our future together and how an exclusive relationship when I get back would be something Le French wanted. The amount of enthusiasm from him compared to me in having a relationship (and even starting our exclusivity over the summer long distance), was about 10% from me, and 90% from Le French. 

This is surprising because as soon as I came back to the city, Le French has been nowhere to be found. I’ve been back in New York for over a month, and have yet to see him. I really don’t understand this guy, and am starting to think I never will, so I’ve currently just written him off and treat his calls and texts just as I would any other acquaintance. Funny how someone can go from being completely 100% devoted to bitchinthecity, and then to not giving a flying shit within a matter of weeks (with the exception to my one scare at the doctors which I may delve into deeper later!). Either way, LeFrench is no longer worth bitchinthecity’s time. Ladies and gents, it may be the end of an era with Le French.

Also over the summer, an old flame came around. Some of you readers may remember a mention of Entourage Fan (you can read about our lovely trysts HERE). Essentially, he was a great hookup that we kept going for a decent amount of time, until he got into a very seriously, long term, committed relationship. It was about 4 years since I had seen or talked to the guy, when out of the blue we run into each other while shopping. Coincidentally Entourage Fan has just broken up with his girlfriend the week prior, and bitchinthecity couldn’t give two flying fucks. Let me be clear here, this guy is definitely a looker, he’s extremely handsome, dresses great, has a fantastic body, and is a real charmer. But since I’m a top notch bitch, I can see through a lot of that and see the inner douchebag that is Entourage Fan. Upon running into each other, he calls me the next day to make plans to have dinner. Because EVERYTHING in my life is timed so terribly, it so happens I’m leaving to move back to NYC the next few days, so we settle for a lunch date before I get on the plane that night. 

Lunch with Entourage Fan was surprisingly great. I’d say if there was a comparable bitchinthecity in male version, it would probably be Entourage Fan. He had matured since when we last saw each other years ago, only got sexier, more handsome, taller, and upgraded his car (to a white Mercedes CLK might I add). As much as bitchinthecity hates smalltalk, it was actually nice catching up, talking about myself, and making him wish I wasn’t leaving that night. As is typical bitchinthecity fashion, I left him wanting more, still trying to figure out if I was into him yet again, but more importantly left him worrying about whether he had impressed me or not. 

Months later, I’m back in New York, and Entourage Fan and I have actually gotten pretty close despite the distance. He calls occasionally, and sends daily texts (of which he’s lucky if I respond to), saying he wishes we had more time together, he misses me, blah blah blah … calm your dick Entourage Fan. It’s essentially a whole role reversal with Le French. Or it seems that these men only want me when I am far, far away from them. That sounds like a bad thing… Who am I kidding? I’m bitchinthecity though.

Anyways, that’s my poor attempt to get you caught up. There have been more men since I have been back in the city, which require separate posts. So stay tuned! 

16

May

Going Out With A Big Bang On Your Last Night In NYC

bitchinthecity is moving for four months back to CA to spend the summer. I cannot begin to tell you how much I will be missing NYC, I haven’t even left for the airport yet, and I already miss the city. 

My last night here was perfection, my friends and I went to a party at The Met for the Prada/Schiaperelli exhibit… a very classy, New York, event. Having graduated from NYU yesterday, Le French called me up to see me before I left. Him and I have been hanging out a lot, nothing sexual, just enjoying each others company, something a bitch doesn’t do that often really. I’m still trying to figure out everything that is Le French. He truly is an odd, yet adorably sexy and intelligent and attractive man. He came over, we went out, ate, drank, walked around the city and talked forever and he walked me back home. At this point, I was just waiting for him to jump my bones… instead, outside my door, he ASKED… yes, he fucking, ASKED, if I wanted to have sex with him tonight. “What the fuck? You actually believe in women’s rights? What is this? Youre letting me make the call?” I said as I pushed him off of me, maybe a little too hard. NOTHING is more annoying than a man who doesn’t just take what he wants. Fuck indifference. But lets be honest here, Le French wasn’t being indifferent, he wanted me, and I knew it. So I played along… I told him that I was leaving in the airport tomorrow, and that maybe it would be a good idea for him to go home, and that I still had a lot of packing to do, blah blah. Until the frustrated Le French, finally just said, “Lets just go upstairs”… there we go, he learned to stop being a pussy. 

Considering my apartment is cleared out, as in no one is living in there except me, and all of my shit was packed up… Le French and I utilized every surface, and every part of the apartment in our incredibly gratifying sex bout. But let me tell you…Lately I’ve been, in my mind been mulling over and considering pushing things a bit further with Le French. Not sexually, but as in relationship wise. While we were fucking each others brains out, he would often say shit like, “Oh yeah baby… I like that”, or “baby, that feels so good”. Can I tell you, never have I ever been so repulsed to hear the excessive use of “baby” coming from Le French. I think that was when I’d finally settled with the fact that he and I will never be in a traditional, relationship (and by traditional I mean, not fuck buddies), and became completely okay with that. As a bitch, I took what was mine and came (multiple times), before Le French

Afterwards, it was weird. Le French, who, like every other man, I’m sure, hates cuddling, yet we cuddled for awhile afterwards. I can’t say I liked it, so I suggested we go downstairs and smoke a cigarette, in which he responded “Why are you being so weird?”. Get over yourself I replied. Outside my building, he was the first to start talking about how much he’ll be missing me, “It really sucks that you’re leaving tomorrow”, “I’m going to miss you so much”, “When will you be back?”… blah blah blah. To which I just replied, “I guess I’ll miss you”. And in all reality, bitchinthecity must admit, I will miss Le French for the 4 months I will be in CA. The good news though, is that although he’s graduated from NYU, he’s still going to be living in the city, so he’ll always be a good option ;) When he left, he reminded me to call him and let him know that I’ve made it to the airport alright the next day… and 20 minutes or so after he left, he called me to let me know he was thinking about me, and that hes going to miss me so much, and blah blah blah. Never before has Le French acted like this. I mean he’s been cute etc, but the whole, I’m going to miss you act, was certainly new. Even more unsettling was that he texted me for the rest of the night, saying stuff like, I really should’ve stayed the night (ha, he assumed I wouldve let him), I miss you, gag, sappy fuck. Maybe I’m just extremely bitter from the breakup with ex-ManCandy that I can’t enjoy the sentimentality of all of this, or maybe I’ve learned to see right through Le French… probably both. But either way, he was being a sappy fuck and I wanted to slap the shit out of him. To make things more disgusting, he called me at 6am, when I’d just finally been able to get some rest, “God, ‘bitchinthecity’, I really like you. Can I come over and hang out until you leave?” Considering I was tired as fuck, still packing, and had already taken my makeup off (this last reason was the most convincing for me), I said, “It’d probably be better if you didn’t, I’m so tired. I like you too ‘Le French’, but I like what we have right now, so lets keep it this way”. Mumble grumble mumble, I couldn’t care less of what he said, I passed the fuck out for a few hours shortly after hanging up on him. 

So ladies and gents, I think its with complete honesty that I say that I can never imagine, or never see myself wanting a relationship with Le French. I think I’ve finally moved on from ex-ManCandy. While LeFrench does have a very impressive body and penis, it will never compare to ex-ManCandy, who was the epitome of perfection… his body, his cock, everything he did, I couldn’t help thinking about ex-ManCandy and comparing him to Le French. Such is life. Maybe I’ll forever be haunted. We’ll see. 

It’s been a lovely two semesters, New York City… I’m looking forward to renewing our relationship together, bitchinthecity and the city, in a few months. In the meantime, California you better have some good things in store for me… 

12

May