The Thirty Something Baby
The reason why I purposely go out of my way to date older men is because in most cases, their maturity level has had time to peak, and they, for the most part, are all no bullshit. Which I’m all about.
I started exclusively dating Thirty Something Baby because we immediately had a connection (read: lust). He was mature, unemotional - yet emotional enough for both of us to connect, attractive and had a zen-like quality I found interesting. We were spending weekends together and eventually nearing the point where he was almost a “live in” boyfriend. Our honeymoon phase was flourishing and fantastic. The sex was incredible - primal, even (this is a integral part of this story, trust me).
Things were fantastic until we really started to get to know each other (lust had obviously taken over). He was 30 years old, no college degree, was contemplating going back to school, emotionally blocked off (due to a traumatic past), and to my dismay, I found he was incredibly insecure.
What was there to be insecure about? For starters, I found it a little off his profile pictures and Instagram profile was mostly selfies of himself. Vain? Yes. Calling for attention? Yes. Insecure? Yes. He had an above average penis size, and had no problem getting me off. The thing was, the more he saw me succeed in school and in my career, the more deflated his penis got. It wasn’t just that, but he had issues with me being with a black guy in my past, would say racist and derrogatory things and even stopped penetration to point out that “a black cock probably felt better for me” at that moment. WTF? When we would go out, he would immediately feel threatened and get upset with me because I supposedly was “looking” and “making eye contact” with men we’d walk by on the streets. If that wasn’t a clear cut sign of insecurity, I don’t know what is.
But the important part here, was a turning point. As things started picking up with school and at work, I was noticeably more busy, more concentrated on my professional life rather than my personal life. Not to say I neglected him, but we weren’t all over each other like we used to be. When I would mention school, he would moan and grumble about how he wanted to get his act together and go back to school etc. I would offer to help him look for programs, but he shurgged it off. Also, I would often offer to pay for our dates because I knew he was short on money. He would accept, yet make a big deal about it with the waitresses/bartenders present.
As this continued, sex became less often. I would try to initate it, and he simply couldn’t get hard anymore. Eventually, we talked about it. He likened his low sex drive due to feeling neglected and stressed with work (I’m sorry but a 9-4:30pm job of manual labor should not stress a person out that much), and taking care of himself. Fine, but I pointed out that his lack of sex drive seemed to correlate with the fact that I was busier with other things. After a month of unfulfilled sex (for him - I must say, he was still good at making sure I came in some way), I decided to break things off with him. I couldn’t be with a man who had no drive career-wise, wasn’t forward thinking (don’t get me started on our fights over womens rights), and who constantly complained about things - yet never took action to correct them. I didn’t say this, of course. I told him this wasn’t a good time for me to be seeing him, which he did not take lightly.
Suddenly, it was all my fault. The accusations flowed. My favorite being, "I want a trophy wife anyways". I don’t have the boobs or the blonde to be a trophy wife, I realize this. But I think he was referring to the fact that I was extremely career minded. Through his anger and frustration towards me that ensued I realized that inevitably, his manhood was threatened by my career path. His lack of motivation and my drive was a turn off. Literally, psyching his ego out and in effect, fucking with his sex drive.
I felt guilty. But then I realized that his lack of a career, money, motivation, etc. was not my fault. He just was simply turned off by a woman who was stronger than him. Which I wouldn’t blame him for, considering I am almost a decade younger than him. So that was that.
Moral of the story: Just because he’s much older doesn’t mean he’s more put together. Never assume that.