Esquire Theme by Matthew Buchanan
Social icons by Tim van Damme



Why are guys such dicks?

Seriously! It’s so not even a joke to say that men think with their dicks. Dealing with the games and mindfucking Le French has been dishing out, I cant help but to realize (well I’ve always known) that guys are all the same in that they are all douchebags. They all have a bit of douchebag in them - your future husband does and so does your current boyfriend… no matter how perfect you think they are. 

When I was in high school, this guy, we’ll call him the Doubleplay, asked me out on a date. He was cute, and smart, so of course I said yes. When I arrived, I saw him with another girl. Its whatever, she’s probably just saying hi. Boy I was wrong. To my, and the other girls’ surprise, he asked us both out on the same date. Not a mistake on his part… he actually thought he was being a smooth operator. Douche. I was having none of that shit, I was a high schooler, but I wasn’t THAT stupid. So I said “see ya” and let the Doubleplay and the other girl be on their merry way. A few weeks later I heard that Doubleplay and girl were officially together. Funny how around that time I also got a text from Doubleplay, wanting to hang out… clearly he thought I was dumb and blind and didn’t see that he was Facebook official-ly whipped. Bitch please, bitches are smarter than that. 

Now I don’t know if I was bored, or just really aching to show my inner bitch, but I agreed to meet up with him. He picked me up from school in his douche car (sorry, with my experience, people who drive Scions are not that cool), and he drove around to this secluded neighborhood. I knew what was up. (Having known the neighborhood and that my car was nearby I knew if he tried to rape me I had an easy way out.. jk, but not really) Just as I had planned, and known it was coming, Doubleplay made the move on me, tried to kiss me and grope me. And then I had the most liberating experience, every bitch should have. I slapped that douchebag straight across the face… with a huge smile. I got out of his douche-car and started walking away. Surprisingly he got out of his car and tried to come after me, not desperately, more out of rage. I didn’t care. I turned around and saw the fucker in the middle of the street with his whole left side of his face red and swollen. So much for keeping that pimp hand strong, Doubleplay. 

  1. bitchinthecity posted this